Starting From the Beginning
I feel the best place to start this is probably the beginning, however I’m not really sure where that is.
It didn’t take me long after I decided to go on hiatus for me to become enthralled with ideas again. I honestly didn’t think it would, mostly because the ideas where always the easy part, it’s writing them down and sticking to it that I was struggling with. But for me the need to actually write never felt like a must and so I was content to just let them into my mind and flow back out again.
I read a lot. Consumed the genres book that I love so much, something I had been feeling I was neglecting while I struggled to write. I just read everything and then some more of what was on offer. Relearning a genre I already know by heart. I learnt what I’d already knew, I understood where I was standing in the community as a reader and I wasn’t going to stop being one.
Then came the time when the ideas turned into a driving need to actually write. I started this for myself I needed to finish it. I realised the starter idea was just the beginning and not the part that I actually loved. I love turning that idea into a plot and building a world and magic around it. I liked writing down the characters and learning them as the story unfolded and I started to crave doing it again.
for me, I can’t write for no reason, I get it if you can, no shame or anything I actually would prefer this, but for me if I’m not going to start publishing again what would be the point. in my mind I feel like it’s just a waste of time (again, reread the first part, this is just me) and so I started the process of what that would look like and what I wanted from it.
it was nearly 6 months before the facts came in. I wanted to write novels and I wanted an extensive world I could write shorter series in. One that would grow with each new series. I also wanted to write more inclusive to the LGBTQIA+ genre where I could.
The question: what would it look like in a mate’s world is one of the was demisexual? Was basically all I could think about. have a FMM (not a typo) and even finding a space for a sapphic novel in between, among some of the ideas. I knew this wasn’t typical for the MM romance genre where I’d be spending most of my time and so I need to think about the money side of things and what that would look like at the end of the day.
What did I ACTUALLY want? especially as the above because a need.
I found that I wanted to write, which for me linked to needed to publish but did I want to create this full time or not? Not was a quick answer, having my writing be about money was a quick and sudden panic in my chest. So, I needed to think about work and what I wanted on that front before I could really go on this one.
You see, I grew up in a house where either your work is your passion, or you work for cash and have a passion on the side and being as my kids are getting older work is something I needed to think about. what I wanted to do, what I needed to get there, and being as I have a few things I’d want to do, I had to really let myself think about it.
Clearly, writing won, or we wouldn’t be here. I decided this would be my second job. I don’t actually want to work out of the house full time. With that settled I set about getting into writing again, because even though I knew I could, didn’t mean I’m not rusty especially when it comes to writing novels, and so I went about writing my first novel, to see how long it would take and what it would look like and how far behind I thought I was.
I found it was easy to slip into the headspace of writing a novel. I fell into it to easy which let me smile as I knew this was where I was meant to be over what I had been focusing myself to write. Saying this, it’s been slow going. It’s been four months and I’m still not quite reached the 30K mark, even though I’ve written over 40K on that book (probably more actually). My writing style is what it is, and I’m finding even though I’d love to be able to write a first draft and then fix it in the others, if I’m not actually satisfied with how it’s sitting the first time around, I can’t move on until it’s fixed. Annoying but whatever.
It wasn’t until last month, or was it the month before? Probably that one, that I had this driving need to write but I couldn’t write on my novel. Something was wrong with it and I couldn’t put my finger on it, so the plan was to write another book and go from there. Same world, just a different part, different series, more standalones.
This didn’t work well for me. I found I wasn’t able to get into that story either. Like trying to work out two deep stories just couldn’t happen. So, the idea came, what if I wrote something different. Complete escapism, low drama/angst, simple plots short stories like I use to?!
I had a hard think. Was this going backwards? Was I settling back into what I use to write because it was easier? Was it the quick high of a finished book that had me wanted to head back into that side of things?
The answer is probably yes and no.
The reality came with the idea that this way I could write something for money if I wanted, and I know, it’s not the best way to look at things, but it’s nice to have an option to troupe chase if I wanted to. to write ANYTHING I want to, because my original idea didn’t allow for this, and it’s something I need. I liked to write whatever’s on my mind no matter where it leads me and if I restart my branding needs to be something I work on, and this isn’t just write that half-crazed idea that doesn’t fit. I like to play my hand at styles, just to see if I can (aka Taking a Stand) and so a second pen that came to life.
I have a few stories from when I was writing, a second version of “Matching Mates” that I wanted to do, I wrote 3 stories and so I took one at random and decided I’d rewrite this one. I doubled it’s size and got 3 more stories naturally as well as a way to either do a spin-off or created more but it depends on how this actually plays out (I don’t think further then 4 in a series naturally as a plotter). But better then all that it worked. I was able to see what it was I hated about and how the scene should look in my original idea. I haven’t written it, but I can see it and once I finish this first book (because apparently, I can’t finish ANYTHING) I will be heading back over to that story to write the next part.
I will go over why the pen name later, maybe next week, it’s a whole thing, but I’m very happy where I’m sitting right now and if I could just finish this fucking book I’d be happier still. I’ll have to try and remember to write about this too, cause really, my closing up a book is pathetic.
Anyway, feel free to ask question and I’ll do my best to answer them.